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OMEGA MONSTER PATROL!

by OMEGA MONSTER PATROL!

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1.
Attention... 00:35
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2.
The Fixxx 02:21
lyrics
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I've been thinking of opening cages I've been shrinking clouds with my mind I've been thinking of worlds without wages I've been practicing my maneuvers When the monsters come for you - we'll be right here We've got swords and anti-grav boots - don't disappear These fannypacks are bulletproof - you'll be safe here We will fix everyone. We've had our time with sinking battleships We've had it out with outer space We've thwarted crimes of evil geniuses We've perfected our maneuvers When the monsters come for you - we'll be right here We've got swords and anti-grav boots - don't disappear These fannypacks are bulletproof - you'll be safe here We will fix everyone.
3.
Know Your Monster 02:11
lyrics
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Know your monster by some of the following characteristics: Thick fur or scales Sharp claws or teeth Horns or wings These and other attributes in various combinations. Sometimes a monster may appear as a gelatinous blob or some sort of mutated bird or serpent or forest animal or jungle creature. Sometimes monsters are created by giving life in inanimate objects or plants. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes and colors. Know them best by their silly voices and wanton desire to destroy. They can't help it. It's in their blood, you see. Know your monster. If you see one, call OMEGA MONSTER PATROL! We'll jet over, engage the beast, and take control. Now, don't get me wrong. Not all monsters are bad, but it's still probably best to treat all monster encounters as such and let the monster prove itself otherwise. The goods ones will understand. Hey, kid. Don't look at me like that. No, I'm not prejudiced. I'm just doing my job. Some of my best friends are monsters, alright? Know your monster. If you see one, call OMEGA MONSTER PATROL! We'll jet over, engage the beast, and take control. It won't go too fast. We'll make sure to give you a show. Complete with lasers, sweet martial arts, and explosions.
4.
Burn It All 02:23
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5.
Double You 01:38
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If you melt in the sun, I promise to keep you contained. I'll store you in my deep-freeze and convert you to a plasma state. Mix the potion, administer by UV to double you. One for here, one for there. So I'll never be lonely.
6.
The Gazelle 9000 02:53
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Spaceships, corn chips, round trips, backflips Red lips, smooth hips, skinny dips, spaceships She was the most amazing vessel I've encountered In all my years of intergalactic travel Zero to 19 times the speed of light in the blink of an eye Lasers and phasers, disrupters and thrusters, all laws of physics defied That something so beautiful could be mine In a universe so full of ugly things Even in the midst of an ion storm, you shine And with you I'm ready for whatever Darkness brings
7.
FutureSpaceLove 02:43
lyrics
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You know me I could have my choice of any woman in the five quandrants easily But here I am willing to throw that all away to be with just one happily Ice Princess Frigidera, do you want to be with me? We could have a civil union, cuz the Intergalactic Consortium won't allow our two species to marry They say that would ruin the sanctity (But 33% of all marriages end in devourment—look it up) When I recovered your father's stolen frozen amulet and brought it to your home on Rygar-3 I looked up at you, your skin so perfect, pale, and blue I think we shared a moment, didn't we? Ice Princess Frigidera, do you want to be with me? My love is bold Your heart is cold But only literally
8.
Monster Smoosh 01:42
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9.
Of Science 02:26
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10.
Party Demons 02:34
lyrics
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My doorbell rang one morning as I was eating my space breakfast I looked through the peephole—the space peephole—and saw a horde of tiny demons I had my blaster, so I decided to take a chance I opened the door They said, "Don't shoot, we've only come to dance. We heard you make the fattest beats in the galaxy and the dopest melodies. We folded space from the Nth dimension to hear it for ourselves, and then we'll go right back to Hell." I said, "Alright, you demons, you've come to the right place. I'll show you why I'm equally known for kicking butt and rocking face." And then I laid down a track so fresh They were breaking and making out That's what OMEGA MONSTER PATROL! is all about Well, that and patrolling monsters But you know what I'm saying All work and no play makes Jack a dull space boy So come and dance away the pain
11.
Outro 00:45
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12.
Space Ultrasaur (sssh! secret track!) 01:20
lyrics
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I'm the Space Ultrasaur I eat whole planets raw I smash and kill some more I'm the Space Ultrasaur I'm the Space Ultrasaur I wrestle gods for sport I live for blood and gore A real Space Ultrasaur I'm the Space Ultrasaur My stepdad's such a bore You'll fear my mighty ROAR I'm the Space Ultrasaur I'm the Space Ultrasaur Come see my band on tour I play the Big Dippor Big freaking Ultrasaur

about

From a thousand of your years in the future, OMEGA MONSTER PATROL! is a special unit commissioned by the Intergalactic Consortium that is focused on one thing: keeping the denizens of the Unified Controlled Firmament safe from monsters. That's right. Monsters. They're everywhere. Fortunately for you, in your time, monsters haven't reached your sector - nor are they interested. You pretty much have nothing they want.

However... our temporal scientists have now discovered that a small dominion of monsters has somehow broken the laws of time travel and is attempting in your time and in your space to seize power and take control and alter the future. Their influence is already abundant in your governments, corporations, media and interest groups.

Certain members of the Prime Council initially suggested that we simply erase your planet from existence, but they were thankfully outvoted/vaporized. Your culture, your planet - they are salvageable. Liberty is your birth-right.

And that's where WE come in. OMEGA MONSTER PATROL! Don't worry, Earth-people. We will win. FEAR US, MONSTERS. Every dark creature, hellion, savage beast, horror of the shadow - be you leviathan or imp - you have no place here!

And while we're vanquishing foes here in 21st Century "Earth", we're going to throw some sweet dance parties.

credits

released July 20, 2013

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all rights reserved

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about

Travis Nichols image

Travis Nichols San Francisco, California

I write and illustrate books and comics for kids and post-kids. And I make music sometimes too. This is that music I was talking about earlier.

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